If Evil Fair Ride Ponies Count
by lisehrin
Summary: Luke, Lorelai, and two horses. Fluffiness & AU. Insert randomly into early season 4. Complete
1. If Evil Fair Ride Ponies Count

_Summary: Luke, Lorelai, and two horses. Fluffiness & AU. Insert randomly into early season 4 sometime before Luke decides to give his marriage to Nicole another try and before Lorelai begins dating Jason and preferably while the weather's still nice...but other than that it's random.  
  
AN: This is my first GG fic & I'm sure I've committed a thousand crimes and errors with these characters. However, I desperately needed to let them out for walk; their chattering was keeping me up at night. So let me know what I've done wrong & what I've done right, so that I may inflict as little torture as possible in the future.  
  
Disclaimer: A S-P & WB. All theirs - not mine!_

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1. If Evil Fair-Ride Ponies Count 

  
  
She breezed into the diner with a huge smile on her face and a hint of mischief glistening in her eyes.  
  
'Uh-oh,' thought Luke.  
  
Plopping down on a stool by the counter, she swivelled slightly before arranging her coat and purse on an adjacent seat. Surprisingly, the first words out of her mouth weren't along the lines of 'Need. Coffee. Now!' or 'Feed me!' No, she just smiled sweetly up at the man behind the counter. "Hey Luke, how are you?"  
  
'Oh no.' Luke groaned inwardly, knowing that whatever she wanted, it wouldn't be good and might possibly involve personal humiliation. Of course, it was almost impossible to refuse her anything, but half the fun was in making her think he might. Ignoring the question, he tipped the coffee pot slightly in his hand, and asked, "What? No cup of death today?"  
  
It was likely a trick of light, but for a moment he thought he detected disappointment hidden in those big blue eyes. Nah. Couldn't be.  
  
"Well, since you offered..." She held out her mug and sighed happily as the dark liquid swirled inside. "Mhmm... Thanks Luke."  
  
He tried not to watch as she inhaled deeply and savoured that first sip of java. He wondered briefly what else could bring such a look of pure contentment across her features. Then he shook his head and breathed heavily; it wasn't a good idea to wonder about things like that. "Anything else?" Did his voice sound as harsh to her as it did to him?  
  
"Um. Yeah. No. Wait. Luke?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Have you ever gone horseback riding?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You know, the thing you do when you get on a horse's back and the horse moves and you hold on for your life because the horse is moving with you perched on it's back?" Was she nervous or was this simply a normal Lorelai ramble? All he wanted to do was tell her to just breathe. Breathe and ask him for whatever it was she wanted.  
  
"Um. No."  
  
"Luke?" She took another sip of coffee. "Would you like to go horseback riding?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, you see, I've got these two horses, Cletus and the girl horse. I forget her name. I should know her name, but I forget it. Anyways, I have these horses for the inn, and they're great. Nice big, pretty horses and I've been assured that they're gentle and strong. But I want to test drive them myself."  
  
"You want to test drive a horse?"  
  
"Yeah, well technically it's not a test drive since I already own them..."  
  
"And you want me to go with you? Me? Isn't there anyone else? Rory?"  
  
"Not Rory, definitely not Rory. She claims to have suffered some childhood trauma, something about emotional scarring, I don't know. Anyway, the point is that she refuses to be within ten feet of all equines. That's scientist-speak for horses in case you were wondering. I tried to convince her that these horses are different than the evil fair-ride ponies, stuck walking in circles all day long with screaming children on their back, but she'll have no part of it..."  
  
"Lorelai."  
  
"Oh and Sookie can't come because Jackson's convinced she'll fall off and kill herself, which with Sookie could possibly happen. Although it's more likely that she'd just break or sprain something..."  
  
"Lorelai."  
  
"And Michel. Don't get me started on Michel..."  
  
"I'll go!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I said I'd go."  
  
"Really?" She seemed genuinely relieved. "Thanks. Now tell me the truth. You've been on a horse before, right?"  
  
"If evil fair-ride ponies count."  
  
"Only the number of times they walk around in circles."  
  
Luke crossed his arms and stared at her patiently.  
  
"So, that's a no?"  
  
"That's a no."  
  
"Oh, well, no worries. I'll help you get the hang of it."  
  
Luke snorted, "You?"  
  
"Hey there Mr. Scoffs-a-lot. I may not have grown up on a farm, but Hello! Riding lessons. One of the few benefits of my misspent youth."  
  
He held up his hands, conceding defeat. "Okay, okay. So when do you want to do this?"  
  
"Saturday? Two-ish?" A wave of inspiration hit her and she clapped her hands together in excitement. "Ooh, I'll pack us a picnic lunch!"  
  
"I'll eat before we go."  
  
"I'm good at picnicking."  
  
"You're good at eating."  
  
"I'm also good at sandwiches."  
  
Luke raised an eyebrow. Lorelai began to mime making a sandwich. "Bread, peanut butter, jelly, next!"  
  
He could almost picture the imaginary knife slipping through her fingers and flying through the air toward him as she spoke. Best not to tempt fate. "How about I bring something?"  
  
"No PB & J? Hmmm.... Hamburgers?"  
  
"No."  
  
"French Fries?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Pancakes?"  
  
"For a picnic?"  
  
"No, for breakfast, silly. I'm hungry!" She grinned at him brightly and pushed her coffee mug forward for another refill.  
  
Luke sighed and headed towards the kitchen. What had he gotten himself into this time?


	2. If You Don't Know, Wing It

_Disclaimer: See Chapter 1._

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_2. If You Don't Know, Wing It  
_  
They agreed to meet at 2:00, but when Luke pulled up in front of the inn, Lorelai was nowhere to be found. Not inside, not stalking the contractor, not even in the soon-to-be kitchen with Sookie. Worse, no one he spoke to had seen her in the past half-hour. Releasing a frustrated sigh, Luke marched back to his truck, wondering why she was avoiding him this time. Probably some guy. Wasn't it always some guy? Or her parents? Or Rory? Wasn't that the dance they did? He was about to leave, about to give up on her, when he noticed the Jeep hidden in the shade beside the barn. Of course. The barn. They were going horseback riding and she was in the barn. God, he was stupid sometimes.  
  
She didn't hear him as he walked down the row of stables. The air was hot and musty, and faintly scented with manure and hay. Not an altogether pleasant smell, but entirely fitting for the setting. He found her talking to a horse. Her arms were wrapped loosely around its neck and her head was pressed lightly against its shoulder. And briefly, in the moments before he realised the humour of the situation, Luke felt a twinge of jealousy rise up in his stomach. He was jealous. Of a horse. He seriously needed help.  
  
They jumped apart at the sound of him clearing his throat. The horse shied and took two steps back, and Lorelai quickly let go and looked up in surprise. The guilty reaction almost forced Luke to laugh. Maybe he wasn't the only one who needed help. "Sorry to interrupt..."  
  
"Luke," she warned, trying to head off the teasing. Of course it didn't work, she could see the eager twinkle in his eyes, the upward curve of his mouth as he fought the smile.  
  
"I can leave if you two need to be alone..."  
  
"Luke!" She took a menacing step towards him and he held up his hands in defence.  
  
"Okay, I give." Then she smiled and it seemed to light up their dim surroundings. For a second, they stared at each other warmly. He wanted... Stop it! Don't go there Luke. "So, which one is this?"  
  
She glanced behind her, almost as if she'd forgotten the animal was there. "Oh, this is Cletus. " Turning, she began to gently pet the horse's nose. "Aren't you big fella? You're a nice horse, a good horse. A..."  
  
Interrupting with a small chuckle, "Again I ask, do you want to be alone?"  
  
"He's just a little skittish around new people. It takes him a while to warm up to them. It'll be all right though. We're friends, Cletus and I. Yes we are..."  
  
"Lorelai." The baby talk was almost too sugary to take.  
  
"I..." Luke shook his head to stop her from explaining. He really wasn't looking for an answer, he just wanted to shut her up.  
  
"So where's the other one? There are two of them, right?"  
  
"She's outside already, and ooh! I've figured out her name!"  
  
"Figured out or someone told you?"  
  
"I knew her name you know, it wasn't as if I just completely forgot..."  
  
"You phoned around until you found someone who knew?"  
  
"Uh huh. The former owners. It was all like, 'Um you know the horses you sold to the Dragonfly Inn a couple of weeks ago? Well, my boss, my beautiful, witty, and smart boss, is having a less than one of her usual brilliant moments and was wondering what the name of the female was again.' And they were all snooty and concerned and like, 'Your boss doesn't remember the names of the horses we just sold her?' And I was all, 'She owns this inn, she can't possibly remember every single minute detail...'"  
  
He stopped her mid-ramble by placing his hand on her arm. "Lorelai."  
  
"...Yeah?"  
  
"Why are you talking about yourself as if you're someone else?"  
  
"Because I couldn't be me when I was phoning those people, they'd think I was insane!"  
  
"You are insane." He grinned at the dirty look she shot him. "A good kind of insane, though." His hand still rested on hers and the softness of her skin called out to him. He let go. "So the name of the horse is?"  
  
"Del? Demon? Des? Desdemona! Ha! See, I told you I knew it!"  
  
"Sure you did." Nervously, he considered the wide span of the horse's back and the long powerful legs. "So, we're going to ride them?"  
  
"It'll be okay, you know. They're goo..."  
  
"Good horses. I got it. Can we go now?" It would be better to just get the humiliation over with. She smiled and nodded and began leading the horse out of the stable with Luke trailing slowly behind them.

* * *

"So, do you know what to do now?" Lorelai's brow knotted slightly in concern as she looked up at him. Apparently, riding horses was not one of Luke's natural talents.  
  
"I, uh, I. Yeah." Breathe Luke, he told himself. It's only an animal. You're not going to kill yourself.  
  
"Good!" He watched with envy as she swung easily up into the saddle and settled herself into position. "Oh, and Luke," she added, gathering the reins in her hands, "If you don't know, just wing it!" With that she was off at a gallop, leaving him sitting awkwardly in her dust with a horse that refused to budge.  
  
Barely controlling his frustration, Luke leaned forward and growled into the horse's ear. "Dammit horse, just move!" And to his surprise, it did. 


	3. Luke Danes: This is Your Life

_A/N: To the people who made my day: Thanks! / I get Luke, but Lorelai...oh man, let's just say that the reception b/w her brain & mine is_ somewhat _fuzzy. I really appreciate the input though. / I hope I'm keeping your interest. / Hee! Crazy Stalker Man...funny! / Your wish is my command...sort of._

_Disclaimer: I only desire to borrow the characters, not claim them._

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_3. Luke Danes: This is Your Life_  
  
"Luke!" Lorelai let out a desperate yell as she finally caught sight of the dark mare standing in a little clearing, sides heaving with exertion. "Luke? Where are you? Luke!" She brought her own horse to an abrupt stop and quickly slid from the saddle. Her pace quickened to a run when she spotted a flash of flannel lying on the ground not far from the horse's feet. "Oh my god, Luke! Are you okay?"  
  
"Lorelai?" Her steps faltered slightly as she sent a silent thank-you to whoever or whatever had listened to her pleas. Luke was laying spread eagle on the ground with his eyes tightly closed, but he appeared to be completely intact.  
  
"Luke! What happened?" Her voice contained a mixture of fear and amazement. He'd put on quite the performance for her with his wild horseback riding skills.  
  
Daring to open his eyes for the first time since his ordeal began, he was surprised to find himself staring directly into her wide, blue eyes. Her beautiful, expressive, clear blue eyes, which he'd been avoiding looking into for years.

"Luke?" The look of concern in her eyes deepened. He seemed okay, but what if he'd hit his head or worse?  
  
"I'm..." He struggled to sit up in the tall grass. "I'm fine."  
  
"Whoa there buddy! Not so fast!" She pushed him gently to the ground. "You fell off a horse and I'm not letting you move until I know you're okay."  
  
He gave her a puzzled look. "I didn't fall off."  
  
"You're sprawled on the ground beside the horse, Luke. I think you fell off."  
  
Shaking off the hand that was trying to restrain him, he sat up quickly. "I did not fall off the damn horse. I got off it when it finally decided to stop its mad rush through the countryside."  
  
"But Luke, the ground..."  
  
He returned her query with an icy glare and repeated, "I did not fall off."  
  
Relief washed over her features. "So, you're okay then?"  
  
"I'm okay in terms of not falling off the horse, if that's what you're asking."  
  
"O-kay. Got it. So, um... Need a hand up?" She stood and stuck her arm out towards him.  
  
He hesitated for a moment, unsure of whether to let her help him or not. Finally, he took the proffered hand and rose to his feet. "Uh, thanks."  
  
She smiled shyly and then took a step back, crossing her arms. "Now that I know you're okay, would you mind telling me what you thought you were doing back there? You could've hurt a very expensive animal with all that stunt riding! And I thought you said you've never ridden a horse before? I mean, do Barnum and Bailey know about you? I think they're missing a star bareback rider!"  
  
"What do you mean, what was I doing? That horse could've killed me! You said its name is Desdemona? Demonic would be better!"  
  
"You mean you..."  
  
"It just took off! One moment I was sitting there watching you ride away and the next, the scenery is flashing by and I'm flying over fences and small streams. Do you know that I was almost decapitated by a branch on that detour through the forest? What was I doing? What the hell were you doing putting me on a horse like that! I saw my life flash before my eyes, and let me tell you, it's not something I really wanted to relive in the first place!"  
  
"Oh Luke!" She laughed, breaking through his increasingly irate rant. "You mean you didn't do that on purpose? Oh man, when I saw you take off like that I thought you must've been lying to me about not knowing how to ride." She gasped and then quickly covered her mouth, seeing the black look on his face. Struggling for control, she took a step towards him and looked straight into his eyes. "I am so, so sorry for this. I would've never put you on that horse if I thought... Cletus seemed to be the skittish horse and.... I'm sorry."  
  
His dark expression didn't change with her apology and he turned and stalked away, only to stop when he came nose to nose with his new nemesis, who snorted and tossed her head in response to his presence. Quickly, Luke retreated to Lorelai's side. "I am never getting on another horse again." With that he crossed his arms and sat down on a nearby log.  
  
Thinking better of mentioning that they still needed the horses to get back to the inn, she sighed and sat down beside him. She appeared deep in thought for a moment, but then her whole face brightened. Turning toward him, she cocked her head and asked, "So...um...what's for lunch?" At his sour look, she giggled and went off in search of the picnic basket.


	4. A Horse, Of Course

_I hearby declare that_ _Gilmore Girls_ _is not mine. (whew! glad I got that off my chest!)_

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_4. A horse, of course_  
  
Luke sat resolutely on the log, silently watching as Lorelai flitted to and fro, tying down the horses, unfurling a blanket, and taking out the lunch he had so carefully prepared. She moved with an easy confidence that never failed to amaze him.  
  
From the depths of the picnic basket, he heard her call out, "Ooh, Luke! Coffee?" Emerging triumphantly, she held up her discovery. "My hero!"  
  
For half a second he considered saying something, letting one of his good old standard retorts fly, but she'd already moved on.  
  
"And pie!"  
  
"That's for dessert..." He trailed off, realising that a large portion of it had already found its way into her mouth.  
  
"You snooze, you lose buddy-boy!"  
  
"But..."  
  
"Nope, not listening to the guy pouting on a log."  
  
"I'm not..."  
  
"Just sitting there like a bump on a lump, scaring the birds away."  
  
"You..."  
  
"Pretending he didn't fall off a horse..."  
  
"I didn't!"  
  
"...When all evidence says he did!"  
  
Luke jumped up and stalked over to where she sat. "What evidence?"  
  
Evilly, she grinned up at him. "Desdemona told me."  
  
"The horse?"  
  
"Of course!"  
  
A breath of frustration passed between his lips. "Lorelai."  
  
"What?" she asked innocently. Too innocently. "Got you to come over here though, didn't I?"  
  
Looking down, he realised she was right. "Oh jeez." Just as he was about to stomp back to the log, she caught his hand.  
  
"Luke." Her bottom lip pouted out slightly and she looked up at him with puppy dog eyes. "Sit. Please?" Gesturing to the spread in front of her, she continued, "You made all this food, the least you could do is help me eat it."  
  
He stared at her stubbornly for a long moment, but then finally, reluctantly, lowered himself to the ground. As he struggled to arrange himself into a sitting position, he noticed her trying to hide the smirk that was spreading across her face. He appreciated the effort, but truthfully? He already felt like a big, fat fool. "Now what?"  
  
Lorelai fished a sandwich out of the basket and held it out to him. "We eat."  
  
A foolish fool. "Oh. That."  
  
They munched in silence for a while. Well, relative silence because Lorelai faced a meal with the same amount of gusto most people reserved for things like amusement parks and birthday parties. Afterall, lunch was one of her three favourite meals of the day.  
  
Gusto sounded an awful amount like disgusting, thought Luke, who watched in amazement as she polished off her second piece of pie. He'd seen her digestive habits many times before, but really, did she _always_ eat like that? Honestly?  
  
Her voice broke into his thoughts. "You my friend, are the bestest picnic maker ever!"  
  
"Uh, thanks." So maybe things weren't so bad. He could feel her watching him and he shifted uncomfortably. "We, uh, we should probably get back."  
  
Stuffing the last of the pie into her mouth, she nodded. "About that..."  
  
He glanced up at her in concern.  
  
"Does the whole not riding a horse thing still apply?"  
  
Without hesitation, he answered. "Yes."  
  
"Huh. Totally? I mean, you wouldn't consider riding double with me, would you?"  
  
Oh, he'd consider it all right. Their bodies pressed close together, moving with the sway of the horse...."No!" Maybe he'd said that just a bit too quickly.  
  
She nodded again. "Didn't think so. But you see, we've got a problem..."  
  
"A problem?"  
  
"The inn's not close, Luke. And we're...far."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"And not riding the horses means walking and that whole physical exertion thing..."  
  
"You take the horses. I'll walk."  
  
She rolled her eyes at him. "Very noble, but I'm not dragging you all the way out here just to leave you alone in the bush."  
  
"Well..."  
  
"Are you sure about the horses? I mean, if you didn't fall off." The statement hung in the air.  
  
"I didn't!"  
  
"Then what happened?"  
  
"I..." He felt his face begin to warm but decided to keep going. "The horse stopped, eventually, and I got off of it. But then, it spooked or something because all of a sudden its all hooves and legs rearing up at me. It ran, I tripped over a rock. End of story."

"But, why didn't you get up?"

The warmth in his cheeks sprang into a full out flush, so he ducked his head down and mumbled, "It...just...seemed safer."

Lorelai bit her lip, "You were felled by a rock?"  
  
"Only after watching my life pass before my eyes."  
  
"Aw, poor Luke."  
  
At that, he stood and shoved his hands into his pockets. "See. I knew you'd do that."  
  
Wide-eyed, she looked up at him. "What?"  
  
"That. That mocking thing." He gestured towards her with a vague hand movement.  
  
"I'll mock no further. But really Luke..."  
  
"I'm not getting back on that horse." Never, ever, again.  
  
She rose to her feet, scrunching up her face at him. "So...we're walking?"  
  
Seeing no better alternative, Luke gave a curt nod. "We're walking."  
  
"Oh goody," she sighed, sadly saying farewell to the fun, relaxing afternoon she'd planned for them. If only she could get him to smile...


	5. The Only Way Left Is By Foot

_A/N: So this is it, for now at least. Maybe I'll see you around again sometime..._

_Disclaimer: The story is mine & so are my thoughts (however strange they may be), but sadly (or fortunately), the characters & everything GG related are not._

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_5. The only way left is by foot_  
  
Everyone has aims and goals. Lukes aim? To keep walking. Luke's goal? To get as far away from the horse named Desdemona as possible. The added benefit of this plan was that the effort to keep up with him was keeping Lorelai quiet.  
  
"Lu-u-ke."  
  
Well, maybe not quiet, but quieter than usual. Without looking back, he grunted, "What?"  
  
"Luke. Stop! Please?" Lorelai came to a standstill as the horses stalled behind her. She jerked on the reins and called out. "Oh for the love of god, stop! I'm tired and I'm cranky and my feet hurt because these shoes, while fashionable, are not made for Lewis and Clark's expedition across America. Can we just take a break?"  
  
From several paces ahead of her, Luke called back; "I'm not getting back on those horses!"  
  
"I'm not asking you to. Luke!"  
  
Finally, he stopped and turned to face her. "We're almost back at the inn, but unless we keep walking we won't get there before dark."  
  
She raised her foot in an attempt to remove the offending shoe, but quickly found herself off-balance. "We'd be there already if you'd just get on the damned horse," she grumbled under her breath.  
  
"Do we really have to go over this again?" he shot back as he made his over to her.  
  
She took his arm and toed off her shoe. Easing her foot down onto the grass, she moaned. "Oh, that's just...mhmm. Much better." She walked around him in a circle and then sighed before reluctantly putting the shoes back on. Releasing her hold on his arm she took a step back and smiled up at him. "Thanks Luke."  
  
He reddened slightly and cleared his throat. "So, you ready to go?"  
  
"I guess," she pouted. "Only, will you walk with me instead of ten paces ahead? It gets a little lonely back here with no one to talk to but Cletus and Desdemona."  
  
For the first time that afternoon, Luke smiled. He'd heard her mumbling to herself earlier, but he'd figured it was just because she was mad at him. "I guess. But..."  
  
"No riding the horses, I got it." With one hand, she pulled the horses forward and began walking. "Hey Luke."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I'm glad you didn't fall off the horse and suffer a horrible fate today."  
  
He actually grinned. "Me too."  
  
"Hey Luke?"  
  
"Yes Lorelai?"  
  
"I'm glad you came with me. Even with the whole dare-devil riding escapade."  
  
"Me too," he admitted.  
  
She glanced up at him in surprise. "You are? Really?"  
  
He slowed his pace to a stop. "I...well, I guess." Suddenly uncomfortable with the conversation, he began walking again. Lorelai struggled to match his pace as silence fell over them.  
  
"Hey Luke?"  
  
"Yes?" He didn't even try to keep the edge of annoyance out of his voice.  
  
Biting her lip, she shook her head and looked down. "It's. Never mind."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"It's nothing. I..."  
  
"Lorelai."  
  
"I was scared earlier. When you took off on Desdemona. When I found you lying on the ground." Her voice caught in her throat. "I thought that...but you were okay then...and..."  
  
She took a step towards the horses, but Luke caught her hand. "Lorelai," he chided softly.  
  
A look of fierce determination passed over her face. "I need you to be here for me Luke. I need you to be okay and whole and.... I need you to be here."  
  
He tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "I'm not going anywhere."  
  
"But you are. You got married." He made as if to interrupt her, but she continued. "I know. I know it was a mistake, or accident, or whatever you're calling it these days. But Luke, you got married. _Married_ Luke, that's a big thing, a huge thing, and... maybe I didn't lose you this time, but one day..." She looked away in frustration. "I told you it was nothing."  
  
Without warning, he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers. Soft lips. Warm lips that tickled. Moist lips that forced a tingle up her spine. Luke's lips. She tried to pull away, but he held on tight.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere."  
  
For a moment she stared at him with a look reminiscent of a deer in the headlights, and he could see her mind working furiously to sort things out. He hardly dared to breathe lest she run away, but then suddenly, unexpectedly, her face softened. Her eyes warmed and began to sparkle. She blushed. Lorelai Gilmore actually blushed.  
  
Softly, but clearly, she spoke. "Neither am I."  
  
It wasn't anything solid or certain, but it filled him with hope. Luke glanced down and noticed the way her finger's laced with his. The corners of his mouth twitched upwards, giving the slight hint of a smile. It crossed his mind then to lean in for another kiss, but he held back, determined to let things take their own pace. For now, what he had was enough. She wasn't going anywhere.  
  
Flashing him a smile that was still slightly dazed, Lorelai tugged on his arm, pulling him towards the twinkling lights of the inn. "Come on Luke, we're almost there."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you," he grumbled half-heartedly, tightening his grip on her hand.

And they walked off into the deepening shadows together.


End file.
